Week Four Book Club

A new King... er, Queen rises!

Week 4 has officially closed out, and it was not without some serious nail-biting across the league. The Leafs and Thankscrivens were neck in neck for the League High, until the Crew declared themselves their new ruler, coming out of left field with a convincing victory. There wouldn't be a half point deciding this week's winner after all... so thanks for ruining that storyline, but congrats on the win!

Matchup Review

Shrew Crew	365.9
Pray for Absolution	326.2

The matchup between the Crew and Absolution was up for grabs early Sunday morning... but with 453 players on the roster for the Crew compared to Abslution's 6, the outcome was never really in doubt. Not only was Absolution sent to confession for the 3rd time this young season, it was the Crew stealing the rest of the League's lunch money, by securing the best score in week 4.

Week 5 preview

The Crew looks defend her fledgling reign of supremacy vs last week's news that is Go Leafs Go All The Way. On the other side, expect Absolution to move to 2-3 vs the lowly Clams with his eyes closed.

Southie Hard	318.2
TheBluePill Errections	301.5

A close matchup between Hard and Errections, with once again biology playing cruel games with the Blue Pills as they limped off with a loss to Southie. The difference in this match was Mats Zuccarello, whom Southie had for a single game vs Toronto, yet still netted over 17 points. The Errections were unfortunate to only have his goalies play 5 of the 8 games they were scheduled to play. He popped 6 pills in week 4 though and still came up short. it may be time to reassess the situation.

Week 5 preview

Southie Hard takes on Dinner, in this week's episode of 'That fa'hkin food cookin' show khed', while the Errections go to Rome to experience their hard marble structures.

N. Prov Quahogs	245
Boston Romans	296.8

The Romans are known for the decadence, and it was on full display as they steamed up some imported Rhode Island Clams to move to .500 with Brent Burns leading the way with over 35 points. Again, it was a theme of Goalies killing their teams; this time for the Quahogs. Jake Allen had a shutout, but that was the only game he started for the Blues... meanwhile Jonas Hiller played in a half of a game, leaving after 4 goals and a Bobby Ryan save... at least Staal showed up.

Week 5 preview

The Qhahogs play host to Absolution, but need to shore up their goaltending, lest they be struck down. The Romans also play the host in week 5, welcoming in failed pharmaceutical product TheBluePills. Expect the empire to expand to 3-2.

Raptor Bangers	325.7
Thankscrivens Dinner	351

Fratricide was the theme of the week for the Bangers and Dinner, as the estranged brothers went head to head in week 4. Dinner was served, but it was a Raptor Bangers main course on Thankscrivens Day. Thankscrivens almost snuck away with the second best score of the week, losing to Go Leafs Go by mere third of a point. The Bangers once again employed their Goaltending by committee strategy but it didn't pay off as neither Hutchinson nor Raanta played a single game.

Week 5 preview

Thankscrivens visits Southie, and hopes to teach them some manners and the meaning of giving thanks, while the Bangers hope wearing Mullets will be enough to move them back into the winning column.

Go Leafs Go All The Way	351.3
Return of the Mullet	283.7

In the league's least exciting, and most predictable matchup of the week, the Leafs said 'No!' to Mullets to continue their undefeated streak to 4-0, and bringing the Mullets back to an even Business / Party balance of 2-2. The Mullets had the misfortune of Luongo playing in just a single game, and Tavares hitting the Day-to-Day list, totaling 12 whole points between them. The Leafs continue to roll, which can only be said in a Fantasy League environment without ridicule.

Week 5 preview

In a battle of the Titans, the Leafs travel to Shrew in hopes to reclaim their Weekly Winner banner and continue their undefeated season, while The Mullets visit Prehistoric Town in hopes of burying the Dinos.

Congratulations

The King is dead! Go Leafs Go All The Way didn't land a single weekly award in Week 4, which has been checked and rechecked. Can this be? Is this the end for the Leafs? Have they been raked? No, they're still all over my fucking yard, and this is surely an aberration. Congratulations to all of our winners this week! It should be noted that Thankscrivens edged out Bangers for Best Goalie by 0.2 points.

Award	Team	Reason
Winner of the Week	Shrew Crew	League High 365.9 points.
Goaltender of the Week	Thankscrivens Dinner	Tuukka Rask 30.5 points.
Forward of the Week	TheBluePill Errections	Brad Marchand (Marshmont) 36.6 points.
Defenseman of the Week	Boston Romans	Brent Burns 35.1 points.
Just the Worst	N. Prov Quahogs	League Low 245 points.

Week 3 Book Titled "Slacking" Published

Week 3... a lot like Weeks 2 and 1...

This wraps up week 3, albeit almost an entire week later and there's more of the same! Southie Hard managed to wrangle away a complete reward sweep from Go Leafs Go All The Way, and our winners continue to win, and losers continue to lose. Although one loser managed to climb their way out of the pits in an epic battle of the goose eggs. Who was that winning loser? Read on to find out.

Matchup Review

TheBluePill Errections	292.8
N. Prov Quahogs	246.6

Because it is impossible for both teams facing each other to lose, a fateful flip of the coin chose the Blue Pills to 'win' their first game. Popping 4 of the Blue Pills in moves for the week, the Errections didn't lose a single daily matchup vs the Clams. Hurricanes Captain Eric Stall was a complete nonfactor in the NHL, going 3 games without a single point, but was pivotal in Quahog's 3rd loss in a row. Fans continue to hope there is a pearl in these clams.

Southie Hard	328.6
Raptor Bangers	338.1

Southie and the Bangers had the closest matchup of the week, with the spread being less than 10 points. It was a slugfest throughout the week, with each seeming to win or lose the next daily matchup. If not for the insane strategy of "Goaltending By Committee" implemented by the Bangers (who had SIX goalies play), this week could have belonged to Southie Hard. Tough luck, khed. Pissah.

Pray for Absolution	327.8
Return of the Mullet	251.6

Absolution returned the Mullet back down to Earth, with a smokeshow victory, despite his Goaltending doing their best to imitate the AHL, with an average of 12 points between them. No one knows what happened to the Mullet on Friday and Saturday, typically the biggest scoring days, where he totaled 81 whole points... Absolution had more on the Saturday alone. May be time to consider a new hairstyle.

Boston Romans	339
Shrew Crew	317

One of the league's under-performing teams was able to topple one of the best, with the Romans' democratic ways voting the Crew out of the winning column. The Crew had a great week from Crawford, but with their only other goalie delivering 7.5 points, it may be time to consider the Bangers' "All goalies, all the time" strategy. The Romans' trio of Nash, Ovechkin and Crosby scored big, with the Crew's biggest performers being all Canadiens. That should be an automatic -15 point deduction. 50 DKP Minus.

Thankscrivens Dinner	277.1
Go Leafs Go All The Way	357.7

It's week three, and I've considered just copying and pasting either of the past week's summary of Go Leaf's deconstruction of Southie Hard or the Raptor Bangers... but that would just be lazy, especially since this week had their biggest margin of victory over National Food Holiday. The Go All The Way's GM is so confident in their team, they were one of the only teams with zero moves; and why fix what ain't broke? Thankscrivens Dinner was pounding his chest with extreme authority, sporting 7.6 to 2.8 lead after Monday's daily matchup... nearly tripling the Leaf's score. Unfortunately it was not to be, as there are 7 days in a matchup which left 6 more days for Thankscrivens to get stuffed and carved.

Congratulations

The main congratulations here are for Southie Hard, who was the second team in two weeks to deny Go Leafs Go All The Way from a clean sweep of the rewards, stealing the Best Defenseman medal. Cherish it.

Award	Team	Reason
Winner of the Week	Go Leafs Go All The Way	Why else? Led league with 357.7 points.
Goaltender of the Week	Go Leafs Go All The Way	Carey Price with 35.9 points.
Forward of the Week	Go Leafs Go All The Way	Evgeny Kuznetsov with 39.3 points.
Defenseman of the Week	Southie Hard	Andrei Markov with 35.3 points.
Just the Worst	N. Prov Quahogs	League Low 246.6 points.